In The Beginning

I'd like to say I don't exactly have a drinking problem but considering the number of times I've said to myself ... or my husband ... or my daughter ... that I'd like to stop drinking so much, that probably isn't entirely true.  I drink often, although rarely to a point of actual drunkenness.  There have been many a morning when I have woken up and hated the dehydrated groggy feeling of one too many glasses - you know, I almost typed "bottles" - of wine the night before.

The fact that I say I want to stop or cut back and haven't been able to do so is troublesome to me.

As a test I went through the entire month of August without a drop of alcohol.  It wasn't as difficult as I imagined it would be and as I took the first sip of my celebratory beer when it was done I thought that possibly I could cut back and be okay.  Unfortunately that beer was at the beach during our annual Labor Day end of summer weekend and the beer was cold and the sun was hot and, well, not much cutting back was done.  Not then and not since then.  I've gone a day or two without a drink, but never more than that.

It hasn't helped that I have been battling pain in my body for almost two years.  It's a long story, and I'll get to it eventually, but for now the point is that a month ago I stopped caring how often I was drinking. It relaxed me and made me forget about the pain in my hip and the pain in my foot and the pain in my back and the pain in my other foot.

Ah, but that's not the way I want to live my life.

I have decided ... here it comes ... to make 2014 The Year of No Alcohol.  There, I've said it.  It is a scary proposition.  No doubt I will be uncomfortable many times.  I am going to do the best I can not to anticipate what is going to happen and just observe what does happen.  Maybe, like I did in August, I will get to the end of the time and think "that wasn't so bad".

I must also say that the name of the blog and the title of this entry are not just clever words.  In October of 2013 I was baptized.  My new found trust in God is going to play a big role in how I get through the next year.  I feel him calling me to stop turning to alcohol and start turning to him when I am stressed or afraid or celebrating.  This is difficult for me to do.  I have had a strained relationship with God throughout my life - more on that later I'm sure - and being obedient for his glory instead of being obedient because I'm afraid of him is an entirely new take on life.

Let's see what happens.