On the plus side, I didn't turn to alcohol when everything crashed down on me this week. And by everything I mean the weight of the words that run through my head when I am believing the voices that don't come from God.
How do I know these words didn't come from God? To begin with, I wasn't in the hot tub. If you're new to my blog you can read about my God in The Hot Tub conversations here, here, and here. Also, they were soul sucking words, words of discouragement and defeat, words of failure and fault. God doesn't speak that way.
I know that.
But sometimes I don't believe that.
In the midst of the lies I believe that I am broken in such a way that I will never "get it", whatever the "it" is that makes grilled chicken and brown rice equal weight loss. I have been on a diet of basically that - lean protein and either brown rice or a sweet potato, or a protein shake and oatmeal - for six weeks. In the first week I lost 4 pounds. Since then I have bounced up and down the same two pounds over and over again. Admittedly, I have added some things on occasion, but those things account for less than 10% of my overall intake, and most of them have been what are generally considered healthy choices - mostly fruit, some bread, but yes, three or four non-alcoholic beers as well. And there was that serving of homemade rhubarb crumble with vanilla ice cream that I do not regret in the least.
My trainer has a chart on the wall of his studio that shows how many pounds his clients have lost since he opened in March of 2013. I looked at it yesterday and it was almost up to 1000 lbs. One thousand pounds, and not a single one of them is mine. I weigh now what I weighed when I first walked into his studio fifteen months ago. I lost some, then I gained some, then I settled right back where I started.
What is wrong with me? This is the main lie that has been running through my head this week, that there is something wrong with me because I haven't found the tools that will help me get healthy.
I'm also in pain again. The workouts with my trainer have taken their toll and my hip/leg/feet are just about back where they were when I quit the workouts before.
If you were telling me all this, I would say without a doubt that this trainer is not the trainer for you.
And so I am quitting the workouts with him again. I'm off the Extreme Fat Loss food plan too. Maybe my body doesn't like protein shakes. Maybe it is resisting the lack of vegetables in the summer while they are so abundant. It's for sure my body does not like the workouts that I love so much.
Nice to see you again Square One.
It sucks how our bodies get older without our permission.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your trainer is not planning workouts that are suitable for you. If they are taking a toll on your hip/leg/feet, then they are not appropriate. Either get a new trainer, or tell this one that you need something different.
Physical activity is anything that gets your body moving. If it hurting your body, something is wrong. I have never belonged to a gym or had a trainer. I walk a quarter mile, 7 days a week. I should walk further, but It's better than nothing, and a bulldog is not exactly an athletic animal. In winter I walk more, because it is not hot out.