At one of my recent chiropractor visits I found myself telling the doctor that I am always in pain. While that is true enough - and irritating enough - on a physical level, I've begun to wonder if that is also true on a psychological level as well.
I had a couple of conversations this week that brought this to mind.
The first conversation was with a co-worker who also lives in my neighborhood. I don't see him very often so we were discussing this and that, and thinking about it afterwards it began to dawn on me that everything I said was negative.
"Did you hear about the neighbor who was arrested during that big drug bust?"
"Let me tell you about this horrible woman I heard yelling at kids at the pool last week."
"Don't you hate it when people let their yards go? Those weeds make the whole neighborhood look bad."
Why didn't I talk about how peaceful it is on my patio? Where were the words about the cardinals and the hummingbirds? Why didn't I think to bring up how nice the new playground equipment is?
The second conversation was with a friend who is also reading the book I've mentioned here a couple of times, Made to Crave. For 45 minutes I whined about how hard it is, how much I'm struggling, and what isn't going right. She also asked about my husband's new business, and all I could do was complain about not having a steady paycheck and not liking him being gone so many nights.
Just as easily I could have talked about the better food choices I am making. I could have said that there have been times when I have been balanced, when I haven't turned to food but turned to God instead. Certainly I am grateful for any amount of success in my husband's business and for the good reviews he is getting. I could have been more optimistic about the business' future, or more appreciative of the hard work he is putting in for our family.
Ask me how I am, and I will usually say fine. Listen to me talk and mostly what you'll hear is what is going wrong.
Am I truly always in pain?
Recognizing this is one thing. Changing it is something entirely different.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote, "she can no longer tolerate the denial she sees in me. She doesn't want to point it out, doesn't believe it is her place to point it out"
ReplyDeleteExcuse me, she already did point it out.
I understand about the denial. I have a friend (D) that no one ever says to her, "how are doing?" She never has anything positive to say, and it gets tiring. It hit me one day, when another friend (J), asked me how things were, and I told her. She called me "D." That shut me up. Now I don't spill on "J", even when I know she really wants to know how I am doing. I don't want to be "D." It is hard to not spill what you really want to say. Most of the time it makes you feel better. When I spill on my son, he always asks, "Do you feel better now?" I think about it, and usually that chance to spill really does help me with my thinking. I just try not to do it to "J" anymore.