About ten days late with this post, but I just passed the two thirds mark for the YONA.
I no longer am afraid that when I start drinking again I will fall back into the same old patterns. This past week was challenging and not once did I wish I could drink the pain away. Not once did I try to eat the pain away either. It was just abundantly clear to me that neither one of those options would make me feel better.
I reached for God to help me through the tough times. Unfortunately, if he was there I didn't feel his presence. So I sat and felt the pain, and then I cried and I felt the pain some more. And when I thought I was done with it, and I was all on board, opening my heart again with a promise to God that I wouldn't hide, I was blindsided by a pain, a heartache, that left me reeling.
Here's my heart, I said to God. I won't wall it off. I won't hide it to keep it from being hurt. I will keep opening up and trusting. And then I got slammed.
What do I make of this? What kind of answer is that to give me?
This is faith, or at least it is my faith as it currently stands. I still trust God. I don't know why the heartaches happen, and I don't know why I was knocked down just as I was standing up again. What I do know is that even though I didn't feel him this weekend, God was with me.
Your search for "God" kind of confuses me. I don't believe in God, heaven or hell, even though they were drummed into me during my Catholic school education.
ReplyDeleteI used to say I was a Humanist. Humanism exchanges fear for a free mind. It rejects religion’s hunger for power and instead empowers the individual. It condemns theocracy and embraces secularism. Humanists are accountable to humanity, not to a deity. We give our lives meaning through how we live them. I am still all that, but generally I just now tell people I am an atheist. I believe we need to live good lives.
Explain to me please, how YONA relates to God, as you believe her to be.
An excellent question, Sheila. And one that deserves a post of its own.
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