I Thought I Would Write More

Funny how that's the thing I've been thinking for the past 24 hours. I thought I would write more. 

I thought that having this blog to chronicle the ups and downs - and honestly I was anticipating more downs than ups - would encourage me to write more. I started with the expectation that I would post twice a week. Then I said I would post at least once a week. This last month I haven't written anything. 

Part of that is due to a family situation that has taken up a lot of my attention. I felt like I couldn't write about it, and writing about anything else didn't seem natural. But that's really just the end of the line. All through the year I didn't write as often as I thought I would.

A year has passed. What do I have to show for it? Some insight. Some appreciation for my own fortitude. Some gratitude for the support of those around me. 

I could have written a book. I could have learned a language. I could have practiced and been able to do a pull up or ten. 

Why this? Why no alcohol? 

I still don't know. 

Suddenly I'm okay with that. A friend told me recently that I have a tendency to make things my fault. I can turn most anything into being about my shortcomings. I'm not going to do that with the YONA. Sure I didn't do anything else, but I did this. 

I made a promise to myself and I kept it. 

A hundred times, a thousand times, I could have had a drink and no one would have been the wiser. I could have cheated but I didn't. That's really important to me. I've said in the past that I don't trust myself, but now I know that I can.

That will be helpful in the coming months as I navigate learning how to drink again. I don't want to go back to how I was drinking before. I won't make it a nightly ritual for "stress relief" or for rewarding myself for a difficult day. I can make a plan about when and how much I will drink, and I know that I can trust myself to do just that.

I did it. A Year of No Alcohol. 

Go me.