After the YONA

I've been thinking about what is life going to look like after my YONA.

I don't want to go back to nightly drinking so I've been checking in with myself just about every night and asking "Would I drink now if I weren't doing the YONA?" Mostly the answer is yes. I wonder if that is because I haven't been drinking, so every time I think of drinking I think "yes". 

I'm concerned. I wonder if I have "it", whatever it is that makes conscious alcohol choices a normal and natural thing. Whatever "it" is that doesn't make one automatically say yes.

I've looked at other choices that I make. I almost always say yes to homemade cookies, but I can say no to them when they are store bought. I can say no to candy. There are two bags of Halloween candy sitting in the office and I am not tempted at all. I can say no to most bread, no to pizza, no to many other things that are okay in moderation. 

Can I say no to wine? Can I come home after a long day at work and say, and mean it, that I choose not to drink wine even though it is right there?

I'm not sure.

So here is Plan A. After the initial celebration weekend I am only going to drink on Fridays or when we go out to eat. I will not drink on a night before I work, which includes working on Sunday morning at church with the Children's Ministry. 

I admit, a part of me is sad that I have decided only to drink on one night of the week and is afraid that I won't stick with it. However, if I can go for an entire year without drinking I can certainly go six days in a row. On the other hand, once the YONA is over will I have the incentive to keep my promise to myself? 

That's part of what this is all about. (There are so many things, aren't there?) I want to know that I can trust myself. I want to stop making promises and breaking them when the going gets tough. 

I think that learning moderation is going to be more difficult than practicing abstinence.